Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Grantham's Dressing Recipe (Nerd Ass Kicking Formula)

Thursday the Dawgs, along with most Americans, will celebrate Thanksgiving. The Bulldogs have plenty to be thankful for after starting the season 0-2, but I'm not gonna rehash. Here at H2H we're just thankful that Separatists John Carver and William Bradford grew tired of the Church of England and then the Dutch Republic. Good decision fellas.

Demonstrating how to chop Gator!
We are also thoroughly thankful for second year defensive coordinator Todd Grantham, for obvious reasons. I don't believe you need me to expound. Anyway, this festive week concludes Saturday with the annual showdown with the Yellow Nerds of North Avenue. Grantham has been cooking up some impressive performances this season and has decided to share his Thanksgiving dressing recipe, or better know as, his Nerd Ass Kicking Formula with the guys at H2H.

Prep Time: weeks maybe months in the off-season
Cook Time: 60 minutes or 3 hours actual time

Ingredients:
1 6-3 241 edge rushing, quarterback crushing, awards semi-finalist terror
2 of the biggest baddest muthas in the state anchoring the d-line
1/2 cup chopped gator tail
1 ball hawking former green beret mercenary
2 jungle cats, beaten
2 members of the 16th state ravaged
2 well seasoned aged seniors
carnage and ruthlessness to taste

Nerd!
Directions:
1. Prepare mixture of beastly venom infused outside linebackers with massive, mountain moving, fear imposing d-linemen.
2. Preheat Jones and Washington's motors with highlights of the 2008 Techgame. Grease the d-line as to make them slippery, so they cant be held or cut blocked by those damn cheaters.
3. Melt Tevin Washington's mind with well disguised blitzes and saute Orwin Smith and David Sims with a steady dose of gun powder eating, planet destroying inside linebacker badassery.
4. In a large bowl combine remaining ingredients, mix in some of the best bare knuckle brawling, girl friend stealing, receiver stifling corners in the country.
5. Placed in Bobby Dodd shit hole and blowup at 350 degrees for 60 brutally punishing minutes or until portly Nerd head coach renounces position and returns to the realms of the service academies.

1 comment:

  1. Wes, I like your recipe. Sounds like 5-star Saturday afternoon cuisine to me.

    ReplyDelete