Tuesday, June 14, 2011

If the Republican Candidates Were College FB Teams...

When you combine writing about college sports every day with watching CNN's Republican debate last night, you can make some pretty weird parallels. We did something similar with our "Cocktails and Teams" feature (which I will probably re-post in the near future) and I figured a little political talk was topical for today.

I'll list these candidates as they appear in my head:

Ron Paul = Texas Tech
Of course I had to give the Texas Congressman a Texas school. He started out a few years ago as a breath of fresh air as TT did with Mike Leach. But -- like Texas Tech's football program -- he literally looks dead now.

Michelle Bachmann = Minnesota-Duluth
The Minnesota Congresswoman has many things in common with the recent Division II power:
  • Comes from the same state (duh)
  • Is relatively unknown but has been very successful at their respective trades, especially lately (Minn-Dul. won D-II Championship in '08 and '10 and Bachmann is now a presidential candidate)
  • Will probably plateau very soon and be irrelevant in five years.
Herman Cain = South Carolina State
I had to use a successful southern black school for a southern black man right? Like Bachmann, Cain is relatively unknown in the political world (especially outside Georgia) but has been very successful in his own field, as a businessman. South Carolina State has won the MEAC three years in a row. Sounds like a good match to me.

Rick Santorum = Penn State
These two Pennsylvania products have a couple of things in common: (a) they are pretty solid but not great and (b) they are very boring and vanilla on TV. (BTW what is the deal with this guy's nose? It looks like someone put his head in a table vise and set his nose at a 45-degree angle to the right.)

Tim Pawlenty = Minnesota
I didn't want to take the easy road and use Minnesota as Pawlenty's comp. (since he is the former governor of Minnesota). HOWEVER, after seeing him last night and how his makeup person made him look like a jaundice patient, I had no choice but to compare him to the yellow-clad gophers.

Mitt Romney = BYU
Do I really need to extrapolate this? Done and done.

Newt Gingrich = Georgia
Think about it: A few years back, both were highly respected Georgia products -- Richt's first few seasons and Gingrich's initial political successes as Speaker OTH. But more recently, both have weakened a bit -- UGA has had sub-par seasons and Gingrich has had at least one affair and has now ticked off the Republican Party. He does have many positive qualities, but I think Gingrich's political career is over...hopefully though, UGA will make a resounding recovery.

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