Tuesday, May 31, 2011

95 Days: Ty Frix

He's No. 95 and the new GINGA NINJA!

Welcome to the 5th day of our Marconi Award-nominated blog countdown to 2011 Georgia football. Today, our exodus finds us at the 95th day before Boise State runs into the buzz saw that is Aaron Murray's right shoulder. I'd say the buzz saw that is our defense, but let's face it, there's a lot of questions out there.

Ty Frix is the man of today, as his No. 95 is at least this year's number of choice. I may be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure this is his third number change in three years with the Dawgs. Someone shed some light on this if I'm wrong.

The 6-foot, 217-pound, long snapper of Calhoun, Georgia purportedly holds "one of the fastest snaps in recorded history" at a respectable 217 miles per hour. The Guinness Book of Records, a Peregrine Falcon, and Lou Holtz were on hand to witness the record breaking attempt recently.

GBR: "Well Ty, let's see what you got." (Readies his radar gun)

Ty: "Ok, I'll give it my best shot."

Peregrine Falcon: (Circling Sanford) "Caawwww... Caaawwww... Caaawwww...."

Lou: "Todayth we're gonnath beth wathin adfwassdf asdfwewes sslapin tha bawl...(incoherent jibberish about a how a Notre Dame snapper is better)

GBR: "Dr. Lou, you should really move, you're right in the (Ty snaps) paaaa....." 

(Frix's snap goes straight through Lou's sternum. Lou pauses curiously, but there is a hole with golden-metallic hue all the way through him. The football is free of blood, as if he's....er.... not human. He pauses almost like he's frozen in time then the hole starts to slowly "melt" back together.)

Ty: Oh crap... I think I've killed Coach Holtz. Now Mark May isn't going to have anyone to fight with and Notre Dame will now officially never hear their name mentioned on national TV again- complete and total irrelevance.

Peregrine Falcon: (Dives at terminal speed and lands at Lou's feet) "So Lou, who's gonna be THE DOCTOR now... CAWWW, CAWWWW, CAWWW!!!"

(Lou is now starting to "re-animate" as the hole in his sternum is closing, but he now looks eerily similar to Robert Patrick with a police uniform on.)

Lou...maybe: Notre... Carolina... (forms arm into knife/stabbing weapon and minces the falcon into a bloody pile of feathers and claws) Jimmy Clauthen wilth win the Heithman.... Thouth Caro Dame....

You can look forward to seeing Ty snap off snaps for the next two years. It doesn't look like he'll be supplanted anytime soon. I can safely say though, if I ever hear another analyst give our special teams props for having a snapper that will prevent the kick from being blocked, I'll punch my television. Really?

G.A.T.A. Ty!!!

Next up: No. 94, DeAngelo Tyson

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