Thursday, April 21, 2011

Auburn's Revenge: Harvey Gets Updyked (Allegedly)

The Alabama/Auburn rivalry has just entered a zone that would make Peter Griffin blush. Harvey Updyke, the man charged with poisoning the Toomer's Oaks, was apparently attacked -- assaulted if you want to use the legal term -- by multiple assailants at an Auburn gas station after his preliminary hearing (for the tree thing) in Auburn yesterday. Updyke claims he was "punched in the face" and also suffered several minor scratches on his forehead. He was treated at a nearby hospital and returned to the gas station to see if they had any "surveillance" videos of the incident (from my experiences driving through that state, they don't even have "pay-at-the-pump" technology so I think Harvey may be reaching a bit).

Okay, now that I have the summation of the story out of the way, can we all agree that this rivalry is about 1-step away from Nick Saban getting dealt with by a Colombian hit-man in the parking lot of a Chile's? Or a loony Bama fan shoving Gene Chizik though a wood chipper a la Steve Buscemi's body in Fargo?

My next question -- and hopefully some of our Alabama readers (if we have any) can answer this -- is why in the eff the people in the state of Alabama hate their respective rivals THAT much? I get the whole "Bear Bryant was a legend" thing and "Auburn has a chip on their shoulder" blah, blah. But still. I mean, yes, as a Georgia fan, I hate Georgia Tech. But Tech doesn't have anywhere near the fan base of Georgia so it's a bit lopsided in terms of each team's rooting population. Plus, the state of Georgia has multiple professional teams to help occupy some of our rooting interests. Why don't Ole Miss and Mississippi State hate each other that much? Maybe they do, but their teams just usually suck. Who knows?

I don't know what the next incident will be in this rivalry, but the 2011 Iron Bowl may result in a player doing his best "Billy Blanks from The Last Boy Scout" impression and shooting an opponent during the game. Either way, the fans will have a lot of time to think about it because there is nothing else to do in that state (Okay, that was a low blow. I forgot the "driving through Dothan to get to the Florida gulf" part. It's important when I go to the beach anyway).


  1. Did the trees die yet? I heard conflicting reports when the alleged poisoning happened. Some were saying the trees couldn't be saved, but some Auburn professor testing the ground or leaves or something and wrote that the trees were fine and he didn't detect any poison.

  2. According to the following article, it's still up in the air.