Thursday, March 17, 2011

Billy Gillispie Emerging From the Forbidden Zone

Setting the Stage: It's 3:56 in the afternoon. Billy is staring at Dr. Zaius, debating whether or not to steal the remote and turn it to a fresh new episode of "Chimpanzee Shore". Zaius looks like he's about to nod off while watching an all-day marathon on NBO (Nest Box Office) of the classic "Humans in the Mist", the harrowing true story of Amy, a mountain gorilla who is forced into captivity and must wear a contraption on her arm that dictates her speech by hand motions, while her nerdy handler forces her to lead a deadly exploration for the Lost City of Zinj. 

Zaius: Damn it Billy!?! NOT AGAIN!

BG: But Zee-WOWW is so HOT Doc!

Zaius: I'm not watching that trash Dizzy, I might get herpes of the eye.

BG: C'mon Z... I think Ronnie and Sammi are about to start throwing poop at one another. It looks like they're really pissed now!

Zaius: Look, I've seen this before. It's the same damn episode every time. Eating, working out, tanning, eating again, clubbing, chest thumping, smushing... wash, rinse, repeat. How about we watch something good like "Bad Girls Club" or maybe even some old clips of Lexington's local news? Yeah, let's go with the later.

BG: Doc, that's really not funny. That guy was really annoying me when I was on the phone. How rude?

Zaius: Oh, so that's why you were RUNNING away from him? Are you sure it wasn't related to your complete suckage on the court?

BG: I'm gonna tell you just like I told Jeanine Edwards when she asked me about Jodie Meeks:

BG: I mean... this is KENTuu.... Wait a minute... Where the HELL AM I?

Zaius: Well Billy Clyde, we found you wandering THE FORBIDDEN ZONE and brought you back to the village. You've been living here for like 6 months now. Don't you remember any of this? You know, you and Nara are dating and you've gotten like 9 more DUI's riding your horse home after druken late-night golf outings. It's pretty standard stuff...

BG: WTF, Speaking of that I've gotta meet with Tubs in the morning for a round. We're celebrating my new gig at Texas Tech. Pat Knight and Mike Leach are chumps. Who the f__k has that much pirate shit anyway?"

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't happen to have a time machine layin around anywhere would you?"

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