Monday, December 6, 2010

***EXCLUSIVE*** Interview with UGA Assistant Strength Coach Izzy Mandelbaum... I Mean, John Kasay

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In what could be one of our most exciting achievements yet, Dawgola and I have managed to wrangle the former head of UGA strength and conditioning, and now assistant strength coach, John Kasay. He is also the father of former UGA kicking great and current Carolina Panther, John Kasay Jr, who just passed his 41st birthday. 

After soaking up the sun for 20 years or so in Florida, John has come back to Georgia at the request of his buddy Joe Tereshinski Jr. Kasay was the head man in S&C under Coach Dooley and looks to help the Dawgs get back the swagger of the "Junkyard Dawgs". 

Luckily Mr. Kasay was more than willing to answer a few questions for us about his new gig at Butts-Mehre late last week.

MVD: So Mr. Kasay, it's great to see you in Athens again.
JK: Yeah, I'm here to whip those daffodils into shape. Those doughboys better grab their jock- if they need one. IT'S GO TIME!

MVD: It sounds like you're really jazzed up about joining the "new" staff here in Butts-Mehre.
JK: It's time to drop those purses and pick up some medicine balls. They need to get ready... It's all aboard the PAIN TRAIN! TOOT TOOT!!! (Shadow boxing)

MVD: Speaking of medicine balls, what type of physical regimen can the team expect now?
JK: Four words. (Pulls out megaphone) You lag, you drag.

MVD: Interesting. I'd definitely keep that megaphone, as it could also double as a hearing device. Anyway, moving on. So how much will the work load increase for the team in the weight room or on the mats? Any at all?
JK: Well, because those wussies at he NCAA, not enough to make a man out of em'. Daffodils. 

MVD: That sounds like a very old-school approach. Really a staple of the era of Dawg football in your first tenure in Athens. Where did that type of mindset come from? Does that philosophy happen to be in black and white? 
JK: Ha, you're pretty funny kid. You should be a comedian. You think you're better than me, ehh? I used to work out with Charles Atlas in the 50's. 

MVD: Mr. Mandelbaum, I mean Kasay... Do you think I'd really poke fun at you? Look let me state for the record, I think you're better than me.
JK: That's it. IT'S GO TIME! Let's see you lift that. (Points to the 2005 SEC Championship Trophy) C'MON, C'MON, PUMP IT!

MVD: Look Mr. Kasay, I can't do that. It's locked up behind that glass.
JK: Kid, you got the wrong attitude. Don't bring that trash into my house. Step aside string bean. (Gets up. Pushes me off a stool.) I'll show you. I'm gonna take it up a notch!

MVD: John, please... You literally can't get to it because of the glass. 
JK: I'll show you. You think you're better than me? I'm the "World's Greatest Strength Coach". Best in the world, which means I'm better than just number one. MANDLEBAUM, MANDLEBAUM, MANDLEBAUM!!! (Wraps fist with suit coat and breaks glass)

MVD: Mr. Mandlebaum Kasay!
JK: IT'S GO TIME!!!... OHHH! MY BACK!

Joe Tereshinki: (Pops head in) SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!







***For you schmucks who aren't familiar with this schlocky schtick, the Youtubes will provide.

***A special thanks for this article goes out to a certain trial lawyer out there who, perhaps, has a future Diamond Dawg running around his house. Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

  1. You aren't as far off as one might think, except for the Izzy Mandelbaum references, and Mother Kasay called us "Lillies of the Field" instead of daffodils.

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