Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Les Miles' Cranium: A Journey Through Time and Empty Space


If you didn't know Les Miles you might say, "Wow, this guy couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag." But you've really got to take a step back and realize that this guy went to Michigan, one of the nation's most prestigious academic institutions. And lest you forget that he led the Oklahoma State Cowboys to TWO, count em' TWO, victories over top-5 Oklahoma squads. His IMPRESSIVE record of 28-21 (in the LOADED Big-12- featuring such powerhouses as Kansas State, Iowa State, Kansas, Texas Tech, and Texas A&M) as the Pokes lead man prompted LSU to offer him a lucrative deal to coach the Tigers. The rest is SEC history.

With a national title under his belt and two SEC West titles, Les is one of the most admired and revered coaches in the country. His very innovative and imaginative offensive decisions have produced some of the most exciting football games in recent memory. Let's take a deeper look at what makes Coach Miles tick and try to understand what things are going through the steel trap that is his mind. To do this we'll look at some of his past shining moments. 

Florida vs. LSU, October 6, 2007: 8:40 in the 4Q

In a stroke of genius, Les decided to go for it on every fourth down the Tigers had that day. They converted all 17 attempts and the Tigers beat the Gators in the bayou, 28-24.

Auburn vs. LSU, October 20, 2007: Nine seconds left in 4Q down 24-23 @ the AU 20.

Just as Les had written it up, Brandon LaFell caught the pass and the Tigers won, 29-24. The Hat knew that if he stared at clock long enough it would stop anyway, thus ensuring the Tigers victory with the sure-footed Colt David, had LaFell not come down with it. Yet another EPIC tale in Les Miles' quiver.

Ole Miss vs. LSU, November 21, 2009: One second left, first down on the Ole Miss six. Down by two.
Les nearly had this one figured out. Instead of getting his field goal unit ready if Jefferson completed the pass short of the endzone, he elected to try and break the fabric of time and snap, receive, and spike the ball in the blink of an eye. He forgot that Jordan Jefferson was running his offense, not The Flash. It's cool Les, even Stephen Hawking makes mistakes.

Penn St. vs. LSU, Capital One Bowl, January 1, 2010: Penn State up by two, 46 seconds left, ball on PSU 49.
Unfortunately Lemony Snicket invaded the stadium and manufactured an unfortunate event for Les. After the INGENIOUS call to LaFell over the middle, guard Lyle Hitt tried to throw the pile of players on top of Brandon into the endzone. The officials thought there "may" have been a personal foul penalty because of Hitt's actions and jubililation over such a successful play. Subsequently, they threw a flag and penalized the Tigers back to their own 40 yard line with time for only one play. The hook-and-lateral didn't work and the Bayou Bengals lost another close one, 19-17. Les really kept the Nittany Lions guessing with that call, well, all except for every linebacker and safety on the field.

Tennessee vs. LSU, October 2, 2010: Twenty-two seconds on the clock, zero timeouts, ball on the UTk two:
Les thought he could trick the Derek Dooley into thinking he had won the game last Saturday. In order to do that, he decided to change personnel with 16 seconds left and catch Tennessee with 13 men on the field. Miles ran out eight new players and had T-Bob Hebert snap the ball with :01 on the clock and two more Volunteers on the field than the rules allow. Instead of getting to the line quickly and throwing a pass to the endzone, The Hat wanted to make things interesting and throw a curveball at DD. Great job on punking him Coach.

If you care to hear LM ramble aimlessly about why he did this or that check the video. It's classic Milesspeak.



Here are a list of some other "minor" timing issues Les has faced over the years:

Once programmed his time machine for 1504, so he could "get his bearings" before preventing John Wilkes Booth from killing Abe Lincoln.

Failed to sleep for 26 days, as his sleep timer malfunctioned and kept the TV on for 624 straight hours.

Discovered chickens in his cabinet after deciding that he wanted an omelet made from the freshly laid eggs he collected 14 days earlier.

Ran a marathon in 27:12:36. Concluded that "it may have been the fastest time ever on record" and called Guinness immediately.

Phoned Domino's to order a 22 pizzas at 3:28:15 for the pregame meal for the 2008 Georgia game- 3:30 kickoff mind you.

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