Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Cocktails and Teams: ACC Style

Clemson = Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka
Brewed in South Carolina, this "sweet tea flavored vodka" has turned some heads in the South. Generally however, it has no lasting appeal and fails as a "standby" drink for anyone.

(Translation: Clemson is a "sexy" pick about every other year but ultimately they end up disappointing their fan base due to losses to teams like NC State or Virginia....you just can't depend on them to maintain long-term success anymore.)

Georgia Tech = Wine Cooler
Only the people that drink these think they are actually appealing. Everyone else scoffs and/or laughs hysterically at the type of people who enjoy this ridiculous sugar-filled substance. To call this a "cocktail" at all is debatable.


Virginia Tech = Jagermeister
Sometimes it hits the spot. Other times not so much. One thing is for sure -- if you drink too much you can build up a serious taste aversion.

(Translation: "Yeah, Virginia Tech is gonna KILL Boise!"......sounded good at the time but after they lost, VA Tech apparently has an aversion to winning.)

Duke = Dom Perignon
Arguably the best champagne in all the land. But while the quality is unmatchable, most average folks simply can't afford it, thus, they have a very small following.

(Translation: Although Duke is a well-known name, the academic standards cause limitations on recruiting quality football players. Their small fan base is powerful, but they can see the writing on the wall when it comes to football.)

Boston College = Sam Adams
Brewed in Boston, this beer is okay in the taste department, but most people in the South tend to forget it's even available.

(Translation: The Pluto of the ACC, BC is WAY up in New England. They recruit from a different area so most people that follow the ACC don't even think about them as a threat. Occasionally however (2008), they can prove to be a nice change of pace)

Virginia = Michelob Ultra
A popular beer but it has a very bland, weak taste. It's sort of the "I'm watching my figure because I'm a middle-aged divorced chick" beer.

(Translation: Historically, Virginia is a soft, uncreative team that is never really in contention. At least they play in a major conference so they have some relevance.

Maryland = Bud Select
Pretty much the same thing as Mich Ultra, just a different brand. Not a lot going on here.

(Translation: Yeah, Maryland is pretty much the Virginia of the Atlantic division of the ACC. Not very physical and not very good either.)

Miami = Mojito
A tropical drink, it has a lot of sexy ingredients but for some reason you just can't depend on it. Maybe there's too much going on with the rum, mint, and sugar. However, if the circumstances are right, it can be quite the delectable treat.

(Translation: They have the players and resources to be good, and occasionally they will beat a big-name team, but lately something is wrong with their team chemistry. Until they figure out their flaws they will never be a national contender.)

Florida State = Methadone
Used to help recovering drug addicts, it is also a sign that you need to start over in life. There is still hope but you may have to do things differently.

(Translation: In the 90's FSU was actually cocaine. But thanks to a coach who lost assistants and stayed WAY past his prime, the team struggled to maintain it's national relevance. Maybe the Jimbo era can help right the ship.)

NC State = Malboro Lights
Had to use a tobacco reference for a North Carolina team. Popular brand of cigarette but in today's world most people look down on smokers. I don't know if the image will ever get better because...it sort of causes diseases and stuff.

(Translation: Let's face it -- NC State will never get over the hump anytime soon. The run a bland system, they have a bland coach, and most college football people look down on the Wolfpack.)

Wake Forest = Riesling
Popular wine, has affordable brands, but typically it is a chick drink. Because of the feminine image, it will never be as popular as some of the champagnes or red wine grapes (Merlot, Pinot, Cabernet)

(Translation: Because they can get better players than Duke, they can compete but rarely make it to the top (unless they play Tech in front of 10,000 people in the ACC Champ. game). They'll probably never finish last in the ACC but should not be taken seriously)

North Carolina = Ecstasy
Probably a temporary label, but one that is fitting. X is great while it lasts but can result in severe dehydration and possibly death. It's best to stay away from any illegal drugs and ecstasy is no exception.

(Translation: Miami-gate has really burned UNC and the players. Basically, their entire starting defense went to a rave and didn't come out alive. With the John Blake resignation and suspensions, I'm not sure the 'Heels can recover from this in the near future. And don't think Butch Davis is not feeling the effects from waving that glow-stick.)

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