Thursday, July 15, 2010

Cocktails and Teams: SEC Style

Alabama=Woodford Reserve (on the rocks)
Generally the considered one of the top shelf bourbons in all the land. No need to get cute, just ice will do.

(Translation: They're pretty much the Bad Asses of the SEC and probably the nation. Simple philosophy that emphasizes a strong running game (Ingram) and hard-nosed D.)

Florida=Patron margarita
Considered by most to be one of the top warm-weather drinks that combines a sweet initial flavor with a strong kick that doesn't back down.

(Translation: Don't let the flash of their skill players and offensive system fool you. They can beat up the best of teams with the run, pass, and an aggressive D, but will have to do so with some new faces on both sides of the ball.)

Georgia=Bartender's surprise
Have you ever just looked at the bartender and said, "surprise me". Sometimes he/she makes a tasty, well balanced cocktail, and sometimes it tastes like crap.

(Translation: A new QB and an entirely new defensive coaching staff makes the Dawgs a little unpredictable this year. Let's hope the bartender has good tastes...)

LSU=Southern Comfort
MMMM cherries...MMMM bourbon....vomit, cough syrup. This drink has great individual parts but when put together something just doesn't taste right.

(Translation: LSU is always loaded with talent but the past couple of seasons they have not met expectations. Maybe it's the QB, maybe it's Les. Either way, if they disappoint again, The Hat will certainly be on the hot seat.)

Arkansas=Blue Moon
Getting more popular each day. Has a lot of flavors, good body, a great beer on occasion but ultimately it won't have any long-term staying power.

(Translation: Don't get caught up in the hoopla. They're the sexy pick right now but will ultimately end up being the Clemson of 2008 and Ole Miss of 2009.)

Tennessee=Screwdriver
Orange in color and a solid morning after hangover cure. The last thing you want to do after a rough night is drink more but sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

(Translation: After getting kicked in the nuts by Kiffin and back-to-back mediocre seasons,
Tennessee had to settle for the safe pick (D. Dooley). After a cop-beating incident they now just need to recharge the batteries (which apparently includes a massive "culture change".))

South Carolina=Absolut [insert random fruit]

Random Loser: "Hey, did you hear about that new nectarine-flavored vodka Absolut just released!!!!?"
Me: "Yeah, it pretty much sucks, but keep trying because it gets me tickled."

(Translation: Each year they come at you with some angle that's going to give them the edge. In reality though, year after year it's back to the drawing board.)

Auburn=Miller Light
Not bad. Not the best though. Sometimes it hits the spot. Other times it tastes watered down. Overall, above average but not groundbreaking.

(Translation: Watered down at the end of last year but this season could be one time it 'hits the spot'. Why? Only four road games and an off week before Bama.)

Ole Miss=Vodka Cranberry
Tastes alright sometimes but will never be considered in the upper echelon of cocktails as it's generally considered a girly-man drink.

(Translation: Had all signs pointing up at the start of last season but was derailed in typical Houston Nutt fashion...it didn't help that Jevon Snead threw 87 int's last year.)

Mississippi State=Vodka & Red Bull
Fun while your drinking it and it gives you a serious adrenaline boost. HOWEVER, it comes back to kill you the next morning when your heart is in DEFCON 1 panic mode.

(Translation: Wide open offense will result in a lot of points scored but a lack of defense and depth will end up damning the Bizarro Bulldogs in the end.)

Kentucky=Evan Williams & Coke
It's a Kentucky bourbon but it has to be heavily doctored in order to be taken seriously. It would never be my first choice but comes at a cheap price.

(Translation: Too many things have to go right for UK to rise to the top this year. With a new head coach named Joker, and some good breaks, however, the Cats could be headed to yet another bowl.)

Vanderbilt=flat Korbel
The bottle looks appealing. The champagne looks tasty. The problem? It got left out on the table all night and tastes like cat urine.

(Translation: Prestigious academic institution. Plays in the best conference. Unfortunately, Vandy's perennial lack of talent sets up for an embarrassment even by their standards...the resigning coach thing doesn't help either.

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